Mixed emotions about the idea of paying attention to ourselves prevent us from recognising the compelling reasons why it should be a clear leadership responsibility, whether that is for business, team or personal reasons.
As a result, a major dilemma leaders face is the sense of guilt. How can they justify putting themselves at the centre when there are so many other demands for their attention, when others need them?
Surely, they’re supposed to be capable, strong and adaptable? What are they doing wrong if they’re not? Add to this the concern about how others might perceive them. The last thing any leader wants is for their team to think they don’t care, wondering why their boss is out taking a leisurely stroll while they’re working frantically in the office.
Proper selfishness
Let’s examine the arguments for taking time to prioritise yourself, or what we might call proper selfishness:
- Giving constantly without refuelling your own energy depletes you both physically and emotionally. When you reach a point of exhaustion, or even burnout, your ability to positively contribute to your role or support your team diminishes significantly.
- Pressing on when you’re tired and uninspired makes it harder to focus, make decisions or get tasks done efficiently. This impacts not only your productivity but also that of your colleagues and collaborators.
- When workplace relationships are strained due to depleted empathy, you become less open to new ideas in daily interactions. This limits your ability to connect with team members and colleagues across the organisation and beyond.
- Putting others consistently ahead of yourself can lead to lower self-esteem, making you feel less valued and less deserving of attention.
- In the melee of life, work and uncertain futures, there’s danger that you can lose yourself, leaving you disconnected from your purpose and your interests, causing you to gradually lose sight of who you are.
In the face of those considerations, time for yourself sounds less indulgent. Compelling research published in 2022 explores the question Does self-care make you a better leader? It concludes that self-caring leaders were found to report more staff care than those low on self-care. Their employees perceive higher staff care and report lower strain and better health. This evidence gives us cause to seriously challenge the guilt factor that so many of us may have experienced.
Time for yourself
However, even if you absolve yourself of the negative connotations and resolve to be more proactive about paying attention to yourself, you still face the question of what time for yourself actually involves.
We attach many words to the prefix ‘self’, usually loaded in their meaning: self-orientation, self-interest, self-centredness, self-indulgence – not so good; self-awareness, self-starting, self-confidence – perhaps more positive; self-care. Notice your reaction. What does it mean for you?
When we advocate paying more attention to ourselves and avoiding the risks that can crystallise out of neglect, which ‘self’ do we mean exactly? Before pinpointing that, it feels important to dispense with the pejoratives that surround self-care, because the consequences of ignoring or belittling it are pernicious.
Palena Neale suggested that: “Self-care begins with you. It comes in many shapes and sizes, but done consciously and consistently, it gives you the tools you need to become a better leader and a happier, healthier person.”
We believe leaders should start by slowing down and making time to identify their priorities, working out what they need to become great versions of themselves. Prioritising this for our wellbeing is a valid reason in itself. Additionally, when we deliberately invest time in self-improvement, the benefits ripple out far beyond just us.
The ‘self’ we mean is the part of you that:
- Finds purpose in what you do
- Appreciates the strengths and gifts you have and wants to use them positively
- Recognises your limits and is kind about them
- Wants to fulfil your potential
- Sees and supports the potential of others
This is the self that, if you protect, nourish and look after it, can accomplish wonderful things, overcome obstacles, keep life and work in perspective, enjoy your moments of success and learn from disappointments. The self that, when at its best, is a positive presence and a contributor.
A moment to breathe
By legitimising time for yourself as a key leadership practice, we predict that those around you will start to notice your clarity of vision, your enhanced productivity and your capacity to encourage the best in others. This approach can cultivate thriving relationships and openness to new ideas and innovation, as well as resilience during challenging and disruptive times.
When starting to spend time on ourselves, a significant challenge is identifying practical actions that are suitable and accessible for us. While we might dream of indulging in activities we love – spending time with close friends, visiting a beautiful place, setting out on adventures, learning something new – doing these daily or even weekly isn’t always feasible. Instead, we should focus on smaller, manageable moments for ourselves that can fit into our daily routines. This calls for self-awareness and experimentation.
You might not have time for a luxe spa treatment every morning, but taking a moment to breathe and gaze out of the window, or scheduling short walks between meetings, can make a difference. Preferences vary widely, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
Take a few minutes to reflect on what works best for you, no matter how small. These consistent, small habits of investing in yourself can help recharge your energy without taking up much time. Paying attention to yourself means taking small, immediate steps with big, long-term benefits – not just for you but for your team and broader organisation too.
Catrina Hewitson is a L&D specialist focused on leadership. She designs and delivers high-impact, contemporary programmes using a mix of workshops, coaching and mentoring, feedback, digital content, online communities and action learning.
She is the co-author of The Neglected Acts of Leadership, alongside Andy Dent and Caroline Taylor.
