It’s a quiet revolution but getting louder. Families are more visible to employers. Dads are parenting loudly. With International Men’s Day today, how will the best HR leaders stay ahead as employers of choice?
We know we can’t un-see what we saw of family life when desk-based work went online five years ago. Family is more visible, even if not regularly on screen behind employees’ shoulders now. It’s part of a bigger change. Along with generational shifts, employees now expect employers to be their partners in wellbeing, not their taskmasters.
Parenting loudly brings positives for everyone
Lorna Borenstein spoke of the need for “parenting loudly” back in 2021. Borenstein is CEO and founder of corporate wellbeing platform Grokker and author of It’s Personal: The Business Case for Caring, which includes a focus on the “direct connection between employee wellbeing and engagement and a company’s bottom line”.
Elliott Rae’s Parenting Out Loud movement energetically urges men to ask for flexible working, take their fullest possible parental leave and operate open diaries with family commitments given priority. This BBC interview shares his message.
There is a wealth of research on the benefit to children, and to family stability, in having involved dads (in a male-female couple).
For organisations, there are at least two wider gains when men put their parenting to the fore.
- It normalises the need for family life to be accommodated at work: it’s no longer a “women’s issue”.
- Ways of being masculine are broadened, and this softens society’s polarisation.
Let’s look further at these.
Family life matters – for employees of all genders
The role of better paternity leave, and work-life balance for fathers, in closing the gender pay gap is well established. Business in the community put evidence before Parliament in 2017.
Research from Sweden has shown that each month of leave taken by a father linked with a 7% increase in the mother’s earnings.
Yet this year, Working Families and Wates’ research shows there are persistent barriers to equal parenting. A total of 50 percent of working fathers feel nervous asking for flexibility or time off from their employer for childcare responsibilities and 20 percent report a perception that their partner should cover all the childcare.
Now a government review of parental leave is underway and the pressure is on to redress the balance between maternity and paternity leave, and to increase the accessibility of shared parental leave, to benefit everyone.
Plenty of dad-campaigners have spoken up in recent years. James Millar pointed out that “Dads don’t Babysit“; they simply parent. Ian Dinwiddy weighed up the impact of fatherhood with persuasive stories to support positive change. Han Son Lee’s DaddiLife produced research with Deloitte showing millennial dads want more, and 87 percent are involved in day-to-day parenting. This International Men’s Day, we need to keep amplifying these voices that show parenting as a shared commitment.
I have even heard anecdotes of men in banking asking why on earth their bonus was pro-rated after taking extended paternity leave. When care is shared equally, it has scope to move the needle on the haggling that women have been doing for years. It takes gender out of the discussion.
Promoting positive masculinities
These are complex times to navigate, for couples and families. Chante Joseph’s recent article in Vogue went viral, asking whether it’s now embarrassing among strong women to admit to having a boyfriend.
The Economist reported this month that “Throughout the rich world, singlehood is on the rise. Among Americans aged 25-34, the proportion living without a spouse or partner has doubled in five decades, to 50% for men and 41% for women”.
Against this potentially isolating backdrop, there are other influences close at hand. US non-profit Common Sense Media released research in October 2025 with 1,000 adolescent boys showing “94 percent of boys are online daily through social media or gaming, and 73 percent are regularly being exposed to content with messages and stereotypes about what it means to ‘be a man’ ” – most without looking specifically for this content.
However, the research also reveals that “Boys with strong real-world relationships show better self-esteem and are less lonely”.
Richard V. Reeves is president of the American Institute for Boys and Men and also now chair of the UK Centre for Policy Research on Men and Boys. He wants us to understand that, although it’s important to acknowledge the presence of toxic masculinity and the manosphere, most young men are not misogynists and their definition of “being a man” often involves providing for family, honesty and helpfulness.
Marvyn Harrison’s Dope Black Dads started as a Father’s Day WhatsApp message to 23 peers whose parenting Harrison wanted to appreciate and celebrate, and has become a movement bringing to the fore many role models among Black dads and sharing a space to address challenges.
When leadership is shown by pointing towards what’s working and building on it, it can shift the narrative for everyone. Such positivity works against fragmentation and polarisation.
Employers should recognise men’s caring
The theme of International Men’s Day 2025 is Celebrating Men and Boys. There’s a huge opportunity for employers to do this through honouring the parenting and caring going on in their male workforce.
There might be more to notice than you’ve imagined. Matthew Nestler, a senior economist at KPMG US, points out that among younger people, more men than women currently report providing eldercare.
Bright Horizons’ Modern Families Index 2025 surveyed 3,000 working parents. Among those who also reported caring for adults, 54% were male. And when asked who had taken Carer’s Leave, 34 percent of men had done so, compared with 25 percent of women.
Support men’s parenting and caring at work
The Modern Families Index also reveals men’s expectations of employers. When asked about the supports they would look to their employers to provide, some areas stood out as appealing to men even more than to women.
Among male carers, 28 percent want a Carer’s Network (23% women). Among dads with babies or preschoolers, 33 percent would like parenting workshops (27% women), and assistance with special educational needs, including neurodiversity (20% dads, 15% mums).
By the time children reach primary school, it’s still true that more dads want their employer to provide parenting workshops (23% men, 18% women) and coaching on work-life balance (21% men, 15% women). At secondary school age, 17% of dads (14% of mums) look to their employer for behavioural support such as dealing with bullying.
When given the option to indicate they did not expect further support from employers, the figures showed strikingly higher male demands across the board. Among adult/elder carers, just 11 percent of men sought no further employer support (17% women). Dads of babies/preschoolers showed a similar expectation (23% men and 28% women expected no further support). Among primary school dads, 24 percent of men expected no further support (26% women); and dads of secondary schoolers held higher hopes (30% men, 35% women looked for no further support).
There is huge scope here for employers to engage men in family networks, highlight positive male role models and provide that support with family life that men are seeking. Importantly, it needs to be year-round, not just in November.
Jennifer is a business psychologist, leadership coach, coaching supervisor and consultant to HR leaders.
As a UK pioneer of parent transition coaching, Jennifer set up, and for a decade led, the Coaching & Consultancy side of what became Bright Horizons Work+Family Solutions, advising employers in banking, professional services, STEM and wider sectors on programmes for working parents and carers and evaluating their impact and ROI, as well as developing coaches and coaching capability.
More recently she was Head of Thought Leadership with Bright Horizons and now serves as an independent consultant in this area.
- Jennifer Liston-Smith
- Jennifer Liston-Smith
- Jennifer Liston-Smith
- Jennifer Liston-Smith
