A number of years ago I spent some time working in a senior sales role, overseas, for a global FMCG business.
When I walked into the meeting room for the briefing of our annual sales strategy you could have heard a pin drop. I was young (and foreign) but I do not believe it was either of these elements that caused the unease. In a room filled entirely with men, I firmly believe the real issue was that I was female.
That was over 20 years ago and in the words of Bob Dylan ‘Times they are a-changing’ but nevertheless I still hear regular tales in the classroom, from some of the women we teach, about the challenges they face in dealing with gender stereotypes. I hear comments like “I get talked down to, told I’m too nice, too emotional” and occasionally “they won’t even talk business with me when my older, male colleague is around” Thankfully this ‘time machine’ of attitude from the 1950s is not as common as it was then, but I still hear it and it still exists.
Gender stereotypes can create significant challenges for us as female negotiators, often hindering our ability to be seen as effective, or at least equally effective as our male counterparts. However, by understanding these stereotypes and adopting effective strategies we can overcome these barriers and thrive as female negotiators.
What are the gender stereotypes?
Firstly, I think it is important that we recognise these stereotypes for what they are. These social constructs, often ingrained through decades of conditioning are no true measure of our abilities or potential as negotiators. By challenging these stereotypes both internally (within us) and externally (in the workplace and beyond) we can assert our competence and take control of our own narrative.
One of the most common stereotypes is that women are less assertive than men. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase “she’s too nice” used to describe a female negotiator. But here is the thing: being nice is not a weakness. In fact, it can be a strength when combined with assertiveness.
If nice is another word for collaborative or cooperative then, for a negotiator, that can frankly be turned into a superpower. Collaborative negotiators, with excellent communication and empathy skills, often see as a female strength, are more likely to really listen to the other party. This enables us as negotiators to get a genuine understanding of the other party’s objectives, issues, concerns and constraints as well as picking up nuances of language that might suggest areas of flexibility. Once gathered, that information, if used constructively, can be turned into a proposal that addresses the needs of both parties as far as possible and therefore has a good chance of success in not just achieving a deal but creating a deal that works for both parties in the long term.
Negotiating behaviour is important
In addition, collaborative negotiators are more likely to make people feel comfortable sharing information with them, thereby recognising packaging opportunities when they present themselves. This is invaluable for a negotiator since it often enables a proposal to be simply reshaped rather than increased to get it over the line. To be clear, however, what I would advocate in the vast majority of circumstances is to be collaborative in style but assertive and skilled in negotiating behaviour.
Assertiveness is often wrongly associated with aggressiveness, especially when exhibited by women but developing an assertive communication style, expressing needs and boundaries is something we should cultivate and never be afraid to do.
Too emotional?
Another stereotype that we face is the idea that women are too emotional and irrational to be effective negotiators…back to that time machine again! Effective preparation with clarity of objectives, issues and flexibility enables focus in the negotiation as well as building confidence – though emotion can be a powerful tool in negotiation if used wisely.
There is also the Challege that we sometimes face as women, where internalised stereotypes can lead us to self-doubt and undermine our confidence in our own abilities. It is important that we recognise our own value, expertise, and achievements. We can cultivate self-confidence by seeking constructive feedback, setting achievable goals and celebrating our successes.
So, in summary my advice would be:
- Recognise and challenge stereotypes
- Embrace assertiveness
- Work on developing your skills as a negotiator
- Leverage your strengths and communication skills
- Overcome self-doubt
- Work on effective and thorough preparation
- Address bias directly and professionally then re-focus to the issue at hand
- Build a supportive network of peers and mentors
As women, we need to support each other and learn from one another. I have learned from some amazing women (and men) in my career and it can be helpful to seek out someone who has faced similar challenges for guidance and support. Building a network of supportive peers, mentors and allies can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement. Seek out women you think are great negotiators in your organisation and learn from their experience.
And finally, let us not forget that negotiating as a woman is not just an individual challenge, but a systemic one as well. It is important to advocate for change that promotes gender equality and creates a more level playing field for all negotiators, regardless of gender. Together we can break free from these outdated gender stereotypes and create a world where negotiation skill and expertise is valued, regardless of gender.
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Ann Allfrey is a Senior Consultant at Scotwork.
Amelia Brand is the Editor for HRreview, and host of the HR in Review podcast series. With a Master’s degree in Legal and Political Theory, her particular interests within HR include employment law, DE&I, and wellbeing within the workplace. Prior to working with HRreview, Amelia was Sub-Editor of a magazine, and Editor of the Environmental Justice Project at University College London, writing and overseeing articles into UCL’s weekly newsletter. Her previous academic work has focused on philosophy, politics and law, with a special focus on how artificial intelligence will feature in the future.
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