Do you always make yourself heard at work? Are you always able to express yourself clearly and openly?
Or do you hold back? Say ‘yes’, when you mean ‘no’? Put on a ‘work personality’ different to that which you display in your private life?
In asking people which personal attribute they would most like to improve at work, ‘assertiveness’ is one of the most prominent. So what blocks you from being assertive at work? For me, it is down to the fears we have around others’ reactions to our open communication. Therefore, if you want to be more assertive, you have to be able to examine and find how these fears are affecting you.
Here are two tools I’ve used in helping me assert myself better:
1) Finding your fears
Bring to mind a person, or group of people, you struggle to assert yourself with at work. Make a list of the adjectives you are afraid they will think of you if you speak your truth.
For example, “If I say what I really feel about this project, I am afraid they will think I am…..stupid, wrong, difficult, unhelpful.
Take this list and ask yourself, “Where is it in my life that I am sometimes ‘stupid’, ‘wrong’, ‘difficult’ and ‘unhelpful’?” Find three specific examples (or more) for each of these judgements.
When you can really look at these judgements in yourself, and see where they are true for you, are you still so afraid of what your colleagues might think of you? Or can you now see that what they may say about you are things you’ve already told yourself, in which case, where’s the problem.
2) Worst that can happen
Make a list of the worst things that can happen if you speak your truth at work, eg;
- People won’t like me
- I will be sidelined for promotion
- I’ll lose my job
And then identify three reasons why each of these things would be the ‘best that can happen’ to you. What would be good about losing your job? About being overlooked for promotion?
Often the mind doesn’t want to go there and we resist looking. But the truth is, all of these outcomes can and do happen to many people every year. When you really look, can you see how you would survive, and maybe even prosper if any of these outcomes were to come true?
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Thanks for reading my post. I work with organisations and people to help them improve their skills in conflict resolution, feedback and emotional intelligence. Please see my website duncanlewin.co.uk for more details on how I can help you.
Duncan has over 15 years’ corporate and private sector experience as a trainer and facilitator. He has trained and worked alongside organisations including BT, Accenture, Fullers, Canary Wharf and the UK government and has seen how communication continues to challenge many large organisations in the 21st century.
He draws from his own personal experiences in managing feedback and phobia and is a self-confessed former ‘feedback-phobic’. He speaks directly with HR practitioners about some of the common misconceptions and issues that professionals and managers face when it comes to dealing with feedback and conflict in the workplace.
- Duncan Lewin
- Duncan Lewin
